Like father like daughter

It's interesting to watch my daughter develop into a young adult. I am often amazed at the similarities in our characters. Personality, based on my un-scientific observations of my family, is both nature and nurture. For example, my daughter has firmly decided that she will not learn Vietnamese. Now, I know she can understand and speak it quite well...I've heard her speak to people when she didn't realize I was around. With me and anyone else who she knows can speak English, though, she refuses to speak Vietnamese. To her it's uncool, and nothing I can say or do will convince her otherwise.

I could force her, I suppose, but I would be operating from a position of weakness. You see, I was exactly the same way when I was her age. For me, as an Asian kid trying desperately to fit into white American society, Vietnamese was just unnecessary baggage. I fought tooth and nail against any efforts to make me learn the language. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, I had relatives who spoke absolutely no English, and I had to learn Vietnamese to communicate.

My daughter's aversion to the language is a bit harder to understand. I suspect, though, it arises from the many criticisms of Vietnamese society that she is exposed to at home. My wife and I, I must sadly confess, tend to let our negative impressions of our adopted home show in our words and attitudes. I try to control this in myself and I do a good job most of the time. But I can't convince my wife to tone down the rhetoric. I can't really blame her, since her ties to this country are more tenuous than my own.

My only recourse is to let my daughter absorb Vietnamese passively and hope that she will understand one day the value of knowing another language, especially when that language is a part of her heritage.

If she really is like me, then I think, eventually, she'll get it and embrace her Vietnamese side as an integral part of who she is.